SCRIPT WRITING
A friend (#2) and I (#1)
were agonizing one night over what seemed to be a mutual problem
we were having with another friend (#3). She told me that another
party (#4) had also discussed this with her so we were pretty
well convinced that we weren't just imagining our reactions to
the way this friend (#3) was relating to us. We all realized she
had a problem with "control" -- she had the need to
orchestrate and control all of our lives. The thing that made
it so difficult was that she seemed to have "good" motivation
behind her efforts. She appeared to want what was "best"
for all of us. However, it was what she thought was best and that's
where all three of us found ourselves trapped and feeling we needed
to do something. My friend (#2), with whom I was discussing this,
thought I should be the one to go to her and talk to her about
some of her behaviors that were driving us all crazy.
I have found that the direct approach, while not always easy to
do, usually works best for me. It clears the air and I can then
get on with the business of living my life. I've also found that
the fear of confrontation is usually far worse than the actual
act of confrontation. Most often the receiver surprises me by
accepting what I have to say far more graciously than I would
have imagined. My friend (#2) even thought perhaps it would be
good for all four of us to sit down and discuss this mutual dilemma,
but we vetoed that because we didn't want friend #3 to think we
were ganging up on her. We decided to sleep on it. Another valuable
lesson I have learned in life. If there is an important decision
to be made and it isn’t an emergency, always sleep on it.
The next morning I was doing my meditation and reading from Love
Is The Answer by Gerald Jampolsky and Diane Cirincione. The lesson
was on writing scripts for others to follow. I read, "One
of the most common difficulties in relationships comes from the
ego's belief that it knows best what other people should do, how
they should act, and think, etc." I immediately thought,
"I wish friend (#2) could read this!" Then I brought
myself back to my own purpose for doing this meditation in the
first place, i.e., my own self- improvement and personal growth.
I decided to let go of my desire to change friend (#3) into what
I wanted her to be and just accept her where she was, with her
own script, whatever it happened to be. I knew she needed to be
loved and in her efforts to receive our love she was doing the
exact opposite of what she hoped to accomplish--she was turning
us all away. Once I realized that in order to love her unconditionally
I had to accept her script of needing to control, or at least,
attempt to control us, it was easier for me to let go of wanting
to re-write her script to fit my comfort zone. The truth was that
I did not have to let her control me. I did not have to follow
her advice or even listen to it if I chose not to. Once I understood
this concept it was easier for me to accept her just where she
was and give up my "need" to change her.
Affirmation: Today I will give up my need to try to change others
to suit my idea of what they should be and I will accept everyone
I meet just where they are.
It was amazing how fast my peace of mind returned!
Written by: Darlene Eberhardt,
October 28, 1992
